woke up this morning at almost eleven because zach was calling me. talked to him for about 4 minutes until I realized that Mitchell had a meeting with his lawyer at 10:30 this morning. Zach had to go anyway so we hung up, I woke up mitchell who was pissed because mom had forgotten and went to work anyway. This is the earliest I've been up all week. I have no idea what the fuck Im doing with my life. I mean, homeschool sure. We're looking into dual enrollment with NVCC. I have to go back to the school to return books and shit and to talk to the college lady to see if i can do this. It says on the website that if you're 16 and in homeschool you can do it but I have enough faith in my abilities when I apply myself that I could manage right now. I'll take any tests they want me to. I'm just tired of being in high school. It's not that I think I'm better than it or that I already know it all. It's more that I could be doing better things with my time. I want to take my GED and go to college. But no. I'm a year late. Fuck.
I'll talk more later about this when I'm more awake and not to stressed.
Peace
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Book
I wrote this today in business law class. It really doesnt say anything...I was writing it so that I have something when i write my book, but I realized i hadnt updated in a long fucking while and that a lot had changed. so here.
So here I am in this class full of seniors, two juniors and a sophomre where im the only freshmen sitting with a chair between me and the creepy girl who’s shorter than I am whose hobbies include talking about meth, looking up horse porn on the school computers and talking about the wild bondage-ey sex she’s going to have with the female librarian. She sounds worse than she really is. I can talk to her sometimes. She’s not stupid, just fucked up. Anyway, im in this class and im in a group with her (amy) and her male equivalent of a mistress. We’re supposed to be working on a poster or something for this business law class but none of us have any idea what we’re talking about. She just got back from court so I havent discussed what we’re doing yet for fear of upsetting her. I am not normally so timid as I am in this class, but from my view point such a change would be understandable. I started this class this semester with two friends, both my grade, in this class with me. Within the first two days, they had transferred out leaving me, too stubborn to give up. Of course, this is ignoring the point that im doing homschool soon which for me is the equivalent of the flight option. I don’t like people. It usually takes a bit for someone to prove to me that they’re worth my time. This proving is generally something they don’t know is occuring. I tend to observe, listen to their interactions with others that they already feel comfortable with. If im lucky, I can see them in an uncomfortable situation too. You can learn a lot about the world around you if you just shut up and watch.for example: I know the guy that sits across from me is unmotivated and will porbably come back to live in this god forsaken county after he graduates, though looking at his work ethic in this class, he may not walk at all. I also know that he’s scared of me, as are the majority of the people in this class. I sit in the corner, wear black and an oversized torn up jacket, a rainbow wristband and ratty jeans. School shooter regalia? Im honestly not sure. Th jacket is comfortable as are the pants. The writsband…I started wearing while my brother was in jail because he was with me when I bought it. Although, it just makes even more people think im gay, which is something amy brought to my attention the other day when she told me I look creepy because I sit here in my corner without talking with my “gay colored” wristband. She asked me if I was gay and I jokingly with a smirk said yes. I asked her if that bothered her and said no with a snort. Of course, this is coming from the girl who last year in my latin class wrote me a love letter. She doesn’t scare me. She mearly boggle my mind we’re a lot alike. We both toke, we both come off as “weird” (apparently) and as much as I hate to say it (boy do I hate to say it) we’re both misunderstood. Im fairly certain that underneath the dark eyes, the creepy laughs, the silence, both of us are fairly nice people. Im not sure, about either of us. Im still in that “trying to find myself” stage which scares me. Especially because of zach. Im fifteen. He’s already talking about marriage. That doesn’t bother me. In fact, it sound wonderful. He’s perfect. I love him and im in love with him. But im afraid of falling out of love with him. In three years, when im 18, who knows what kind of person ill be like? Who knows what will be going through my mind? Does god? Will I believe in him? There are so many questions. No answers. I don’t like it, this not knowing. It’s what keeps me up at night. As does my arm. I prefer to sleep on my right side, and currently im sleeping on my couch in my brother’s room because I don’t like sleeping in my room alone. So my right arm gets laid on and gets that pins and needles affect while my legs are curled up around me. Sound uncomfortable but it’s not bad. Better than sleeping on my bed in the corner of my room next to my sliding glass door which even with the addition of curtains, still scares me. As does amy with scissors. She’s working on the poster project we’re doing that’s due tomorrow, Friday. Cutting and pasting seems fairly unhazardous but when you put it in this chick’s hands anything sharp becomes worthy of defcon 2.
So here I am in this class full of seniors, two juniors and a sophomre where im the only freshmen sitting with a chair between me and the creepy girl who’s shorter than I am whose hobbies include talking about meth, looking up horse porn on the school computers and talking about the wild bondage-ey sex she’s going to have with the female librarian. She sounds worse than she really is. I can talk to her sometimes. She’s not stupid, just fucked up. Anyway, im in this class and im in a group with her (amy) and her male equivalent of a mistress. We’re supposed to be working on a poster or something for this business law class but none of us have any idea what we’re talking about. She just got back from court so I havent discussed what we’re doing yet for fear of upsetting her. I am not normally so timid as I am in this class, but from my view point such a change would be understandable. I started this class this semester with two friends, both my grade, in this class with me. Within the first two days, they had transferred out leaving me, too stubborn to give up. Of course, this is ignoring the point that im doing homschool soon which for me is the equivalent of the flight option. I don’t like people. It usually takes a bit for someone to prove to me that they’re worth my time. This proving is generally something they don’t know is occuring. I tend to observe, listen to their interactions with others that they already feel comfortable with. If im lucky, I can see them in an uncomfortable situation too. You can learn a lot about the world around you if you just shut up and watch.for example: I know the guy that sits across from me is unmotivated and will porbably come back to live in this god forsaken county after he graduates, though looking at his work ethic in this class, he may not walk at all. I also know that he’s scared of me, as are the majority of the people in this class. I sit in the corner, wear black and an oversized torn up jacket, a rainbow wristband and ratty jeans. School shooter regalia? Im honestly not sure. Th jacket is comfortable as are the pants. The writsband…I started wearing while my brother was in jail because he was with me when I bought it. Although, it just makes even more people think im gay, which is something amy brought to my attention the other day when she told me I look creepy because I sit here in my corner without talking with my “gay colored” wristband. She asked me if I was gay and I jokingly with a smirk said yes. I asked her if that bothered her and said no with a snort. Of course, this is coming from the girl who last year in my latin class wrote me a love letter. She doesn’t scare me. She mearly boggle my mind we’re a lot alike. We both toke, we both come off as “weird” (apparently) and as much as I hate to say it (boy do I hate to say it) we’re both misunderstood. Im fairly certain that underneath the dark eyes, the creepy laughs, the silence, both of us are fairly nice people. Im not sure, about either of us. Im still in that “trying to find myself” stage which scares me. Especially because of zach. Im fifteen. He’s already talking about marriage. That doesn’t bother me. In fact, it sound wonderful. He’s perfect. I love him and im in love with him. But im afraid of falling out of love with him. In three years, when im 18, who knows what kind of person ill be like? Who knows what will be going through my mind? Does god? Will I believe in him? There are so many questions. No answers. I don’t like it, this not knowing. It’s what keeps me up at night. As does my arm. I prefer to sleep on my right side, and currently im sleeping on my couch in my brother’s room because I don’t like sleeping in my room alone. So my right arm gets laid on and gets that pins and needles affect while my legs are curled up around me. Sound uncomfortable but it’s not bad. Better than sleeping on my bed in the corner of my room next to my sliding glass door which even with the addition of curtains, still scares me. As does amy with scissors. She’s working on the poster project we’re doing that’s due tomorrow, Friday. Cutting and pasting seems fairly unhazardous but when you put it in this chick’s hands anything sharp becomes worthy of defcon 2.
Friday, January 30, 2009
ergh
skipping school today.
my nose is swollen.
Mitchell punched me in the nose last night cuz i pissed him off... we were just horsing around and it went too far.
So now there's a cut on my nose and blood in my nostrils still.
I didn't want to go into school like this. plus, mom woke me up late so i wouldnt have been able to make it to school on time.
my face hurts.Really bad. i cant laugh too hard or smile or do the twitchy nose thing anymore..
it's not broken. It's just inflamed.
fuck.
my nose is swollen.
Mitchell punched me in the nose last night cuz i pissed him off... we were just horsing around and it went too far.
So now there's a cut on my nose and blood in my nostrils still.
I didn't want to go into school like this. plus, mom woke me up late so i wouldnt have been able to make it to school on time.
my face hurts.Really bad. i cant laugh too hard or smile or do the twitchy nose thing anymore..
it's not broken. It's just inflamed.
fuck.
Monday, January 26, 2009
fgsfds
so...
mitchell's home. he got out on bond on... sometime in january. I dont even remember the date now. I think it was the 13th.
been playing shitloads of mario kart.
not really eating but maybe thats for the best.
california guy? just friends. not crushin anymore, hes an ass but a pretty good friend sometimes.
*sigh* met another guy.. i dont plan on makign the same mistakes though, so he has no idea.
neither do I.
I dont even know if I like him or what.
I dont know if he likes me either. I have my own suspicions but im probably being deludued by my own pathetic needs.
how sad.
california guy is going to school. he starts tomorrow so i wont be able to talk to him for a few weeks... and now im just apathetic.. I dont know why it bothers me so much. i dont like him like that anymore so wtf...
I have silly putty.
silly putty, mario kart and the guy from facebook.
pretty much all i got going for me right now.
but Ive got mitchell...
and maybe some friends..
i dont know anymore.
Im a complete bitch.
Im pretty sure people are only friends with me cuase I scare them.
or maybe im thinking to highly of my intimidation factor.
it's just so easy to feel lonely in this big crowded world.. it's astounding.
i have school tomorrow.
i should be asleep.
but i dont care anymore.
peace to the rest of you though
mitchell's home. he got out on bond on... sometime in january. I dont even remember the date now. I think it was the 13th.
been playing shitloads of mario kart.
not really eating but maybe thats for the best.
california guy? just friends. not crushin anymore, hes an ass but a pretty good friend sometimes.
*sigh* met another guy.. i dont plan on makign the same mistakes though, so he has no idea.
neither do I.
I dont even know if I like him or what.
I dont know if he likes me either. I have my own suspicions but im probably being deludued by my own pathetic needs.
how sad.
california guy is going to school. he starts tomorrow so i wont be able to talk to him for a few weeks... and now im just apathetic.. I dont know why it bothers me so much. i dont like him like that anymore so wtf...
I have silly putty.
silly putty, mario kart and the guy from facebook.
pretty much all i got going for me right now.
but Ive got mitchell...
and maybe some friends..
i dont know anymore.
Im a complete bitch.
Im pretty sure people are only friends with me cuase I scare them.
or maybe im thinking to highly of my intimidation factor.
it's just so easy to feel lonely in this big crowded world.. it's astounding.
i have school tomorrow.
i should be asleep.
but i dont care anymore.
peace to the rest of you though
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
yeah, im horrid, so what
so much for new year's resolutions.
so far ive pretty much stopped eating, took up an old habit already, and havent gotten any closer to learning the pokeman rap.
damn im bad at this.
fuck.
so far ive pretty much stopped eating, took up an old habit already, and havent gotten any closer to learning the pokeman rap.
damn im bad at this.
fuck.
Friday, January 2, 2009
hi...
i'm really bad at this whole updating thing.
my stomach hurts like a crazed mother fucker.
I um... met a guy.
who happens to like me as much as i like him...
but he uh.. lives in california.and is going to be 7 years older than me in february...
so we're just friends.
I got a camera, a set of headphones, a pair of boots, a 5 in 1 hair deely, and a cordless mouse for Christmas.
this morning, mom gave me a shirt that has Martin Luther King and Obama with the heading From A Dream... To A Reality and a beanie that just says Obama- 44th president.
I'm still sick... and it's as if it's just getting worse. what started out as a cough turned into congestion and sneezing with the occasional cough and then back into a cough and now into soemthing like a stomch virus, but im ot sure if they're related. All i know is that i've been sick for 3 weeks now and im fucking tired of it....
alright. enough bitching.
i know i have absolutely no right to ask. i mean, I was the one who pished you away.
But as you must have recently noticed, I'm tired of being a bitch. i'm trying to become more peacful.
which means, i really do care what's going on with you and i'd like to know, And it doesnt help when your blog has been turned to private and i can't access it >.<
Please?
If the answer is no, i completely understand.
but i'd like the naswer to be yes.
peace guys. Court is on the 9th. good lick for us i hope.
my stomach hurts like a crazed mother fucker.
I um... met a guy.
who happens to like me as much as i like him...
but he uh.. lives in california.and is going to be 7 years older than me in february...
so we're just friends.
I got a camera, a set of headphones, a pair of boots, a 5 in 1 hair deely, and a cordless mouse for Christmas.
this morning, mom gave me a shirt that has Martin Luther King and Obama with the heading From A Dream... To A Reality and a beanie that just says Obama- 44th president.
I'm still sick... and it's as if it's just getting worse. what started out as a cough turned into congestion and sneezing with the occasional cough and then back into a cough and now into soemthing like a stomch virus, but im ot sure if they're related. All i know is that i've been sick for 3 weeks now and im fucking tired of it....
alright. enough bitching.
i know i have absolutely no right to ask. i mean, I was the one who pished you away.
But as you must have recently noticed, I'm tired of being a bitch. i'm trying to become more peacful.
which means, i really do care what's going on with you and i'd like to know, And it doesnt help when your blog has been turned to private and i can't access it >.<
Please?
If the answer is no, i completely understand.
but i'd like the naswer to be yes.
peace guys. Court is on the 9th. good lick for us i hope.
Monday, December 1, 2008
dress up!!!1ONEOMGITGOESONFOREVER!!!!!!!!!!1
hyper
playing dress up
i have baggy jeans, my *only* friggin dress, and a Led Zeppelin tee shirt on. i think i'll wear this to school tomorrow.
its comfy.
i think ill put beads in my hair, too.
BWAHAHAHA IM ACTUALLY KINDA HAPPY OMG
peace gnite
... well, i was happy until Mad World started playing.
now i realize my brothers in jail, both my grandmas are dying, and tyhe world sucks.
but at least I have a dress.
i love life.
peace
playing dress up
i have baggy jeans, my *only* friggin dress, and a Led Zeppelin tee shirt on. i think i'll wear this to school tomorrow.
its comfy.
i think ill put beads in my hair, too.
BWAHAHAHA IM ACTUALLY KINDA HAPPY OMG
peace gnite
... well, i was happy until Mad World started playing.
now i realize my brothers in jail, both my grandmas are dying, and tyhe world sucks.
but at least I have a dress.
i love life.
peace
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