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so.

Went to Longwood, which was fun. basically just hung out with Zach and Amanda friday night, then slept in her room after snuggling with him for a bit. Then Saturday they forced me to play marvel ultimate alliance 2 before we went to lunch... then they made me eat. Zach left because he was done eating and he had to take dayquil for his cold which he totally gave to me but that's beside the point. She Amanda suggested i go with him, so I did. But I got lost when I tried to put my dishes away but Chad helped me out a bit... and then I had to call Zach to let me into the building becasue he had left before me and hadn't known I would be following him. So I stood in the rain for about 5 minutes waiting for him to answe his phone. But then we went up and watched movies for 6 hours before he made me go to bed. Then sunday morning went over to his room and cuddled and watched videos on youtube until we had to go across the street to the mcdonalds to meet mom.

Then Monday Morning I wake up to Mitchell yelling at mom for sleeping in too late to take him to community service. to make a long story short, she was drunk all day, then she pissed Mitchell off by coming into his fuckign shower and trying to open the shower door on him... so she now has a broken tail bone and a black eye.


cant finish this rifght now. Mom just od'd.
bye.

What I would have done differently

What I would have done differently today:

I would have told Bubbles to fuck himself when he called me at 2:30 in the morning to wake me up because he and Miranda were coming over.
I would have worn different pants than the ones that fall down with every step.
I would have not taken Mitchell and Mom's little joke of "losing me" so personally.
I would have told Mom to fuck herself when she said ''Oh, these will fit. Trust me."
I would have gotten that kick ass pinstriped bra.
I wouldn't have eaten at the Chinese restaurant.
I (probably) wouldn't have told Zach about my social anxiety.
I would gave told Mitchell and Mom to let me go into Grammy's house by myself for a few minutes.
I would have told the grandmother in Wal Mart not to yell at her grandchild for talking so much because she would miss it when he stopped talking once he got to be my age.
I wouldn't have brought up dad while we were driving.
I wouldn't have seen my mother's face fall when I did.
I wouldn't have burned myself on my cigarette.
I would have not been obnoxious to Zach when he was talking about the homicide near Longwood.
I wouldn't have asked my mother when she lost her virginity. (she was 15. 15!)
I would have tried to calm down in the middle of Wal Mart even though I practically had a panic attack.
I would have tried to be back home before Leviticus got here, even though I had no idea he was coming.
I wouldn't have told Mitchell that I hate mom. I want to have that information to myself.

dear god I'm lazy

Uhh hi.
So I haven't posted in...well, a while.
Not much has happened, and I'm ok with that.
I mean, unless you count the whole thing with court and my conselour.... but that's for later.
Zach's back at college, but I should be able to go see him in 2 weeks assuming mom doesn't throw a hissy fit and say she won't drive me.

So I'm currently looking at my fucking disgusting room, willing it to clean itself. It's almost worse than before, and that's saying something.
I think... I will clean tonight and then shower, and then try to be asleep by the time mom leaves for work. Probably wishful thinking, but I can try.

My court appointed counselor told my mom that I cut myself. It's pretty difficult to look her in the eye right now. My mom, I mean. My counselor's a bitch who i wish would just leave me the fuck alone and let me fix myself on my own.
But no. She has this whole plan of things she wants me to work on. Including, but not limited to, spending more time with my parents.
Why.
Just.
Fucking.
Why.
I don't really like my parents.
It's not even the typical teenage thing of "BAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME IMA GO CUT MY HAIR DIAGONAL ACROSS MY FACE AND SEE IF THEY NOTICE ME THEN"
It's more of I see them as equals.
But I do sort of have this anger and disappointment of the whole not taking care of me and actually raising me instead of getting high/ drunk thing.
But I don't actively hate them. In fact, it would work well if we could just stay out of each others' way.
But nooooooo.
Sharon has all of these big ideas about fixing our family dynamic.
Not possible.
Not even plausible.
Stupid cunt.
You wonder why the suicide rate among teens is so high?
It's because you mess with them so fucking much and they get tired of it.
You can only bend wire so much before it snaps.
God I dislike that woman.