See? You proved my point. Go whine about killing yourself.
And no, it will not fucking make me happy you fucktard. You just proved my other point about you being an attention whore.
You see what i've written, but you don't change at all.
Sadie did the same thing to me that i'm doping to you. She made me realize that i was a
Pathetic
Attention seeking
Bitch who did not give a rat's ass about anyone else's problems.
Just like you.
So dont kill yourself. Just change.
Wanna know when the final straw came? Here. Read this.
Netsua: meow?
me: hey
Netsua: hello
and how are you doing?
3:57 PM me: my head hurts, my stomach hurts, amd my tea is to hot to drink :(
Netsua: 0.0
Is that why you weren't at school?
I probably shouldn't have gone - I'm pretty sick myself
me: basically. i was going to clean the dome today, but we decide this morning that i would stay here.
3:58 PM Netsua: ok
me: your not on your period. you cant bitch
Netsua: how do you know?
me: 'becasue you lacka vagina
Netsua: I could just feel shitty anyway
me: your still not allpwed to bitch
you dont bleed
3:59 PM Netsua: Or I could have had a shitty day
without a Sarah there to complain to
I must keep it all inside
how saddening
4:00 PM me: your not allowed to conmplain to soemone who bleeds for a week each month. we have our own problems :)
Netsua: I am allowed to complain.
That is all.
me: no your not
Netsua: Why not?
4:01 PM Just because I don't bleed (or so you think)
?
I can still have shit going on
4:02 PM me: but you dont have cramps so bad that you double over on the couch crying
Netsua: maybe not
but I still have a lot of thoughts to work
out
I've been thinking a lot recently
me: no maybe about it. i win. you are not allowed to complain
4:03 PM what were you saying?
thinking?
Netsua: yeah
about the world
and the social status of people around me
4:04 PM and things that should be thought about more often
me: yes probably
Netsua: and about the actions of humans
and how we think
and how experiences can vary so much
4:05 PM and how there are so many feelings to experience
and many of them aren't very straightforward
and how I honestly think I'm going slightly insane thinking about these things
4:06 PM me: dear, honestly, i think about these things all the time. you'll get used to it. i prmoise.
Netsua: and if my potential is really what people constantly tell me it is
please don't call me "dear"
4:07 PM that is what Alana calls me when she's in a bad mood
and she says it in a snotty, bitchy voice
...and how I've had nobody to talk to about all of these things
and how it's just a communication with myself
Why do you think i stopped talking?
You were just complaining like always and i got sick of it.
I loved you. I really did.
But you know, so many things happened.
like you trying to make me give you a BJ? yah, that still bothers me.
It was like, attempted rape, almost, but by a friend.
And the occasions where other people will be having a conversation, and you'll jump in with a depressing tidbit about how much your life sucks? Yah i used to do that too.
And yes. i realize that i'm the one that changed, just like Sadie.
You've always been like this and i'm just realizing it.
So i guess this is goodbye for now.
Mostly because im too much of a pussy to actually say anything.
Both of us are.
You dont realize how hard it is for me to say goodbye.
Probly just because i'm not mad at the moment. if i was it would be a hell of a lot easier.
So. Bye man. i think we'll meet up again, when we're older.
Love you.
Sarah
Why do you think i stopped talking?
You were just complaining like always and i got sick of it.
I loved you. I really did.
But you know, so many things happened.
like you trying to make me give you a BJ? yah, that still bothers me.
It was like, attempted rape, almost, but by a friend.
And the occasions where other people will be having a conversation, and you'll jump in with a depressing tidbit about how much your life sucks? Yah i used to do that too.
And yes. i realize that i'm the one that changed, just like Sadie.
You've always been like this and i'm just realizing it.
So i guess this is goodbye for now.
Mostly because im too much of a pussy to actually say anything.
Both of us are.
You dont realize how hard it is for me to say goodbye.
Probly just because i'm not mad at the moment. if i was it would be a hell of a lot easier.
So. Bye man. i think we'll meet up again, when we're older.
Love you.
Sarah
5 comments:
I gave the presents back because I can't accept presents from somebody who hates me. I don't hate you, I just wouldn't feel right using something that had been given to me by somebody else who hated me.
I was not being an attention whore. I don't know if you got it, but I sent you a message on google talk telling you that I'm aware that I don't have the capacity to kill myself at all anyway. I wasn't trying to gain your attention or anything like that. If I had been, I would have just said "Fine, I will go kill myself" and leave it like that and go to school yesterday totally fine. If I had done that, then yes, you would be justified to call me that. But I didn't.
And the ONLY reason why I'm not talking about this to your face was because you said you hate my voice. I don't blame you. I hate it too. It sounds arrogant, conceded, and attention seeking. I almost wish I had my old annoyingly high-pitched one back. It's better than this one.
And about the google talk thing. I had been thinking so much at that time and my life had been changing on a daily basis. I'm not saying that a guy has more right to complain than a girl on her period.
Every day, since my stepdad left when I was 11 or so, I've been the only guy in the house. And because of me being a minority, I'm CONSTANTLY ganged up on. I have NO CHOICE in most matters. Alana, Morgan, and Mom are all female, and I'm the one they single out. Most of the time, their reasoning for when they tell me to do or not to do something is that I am a guy. Since there is no other guy around, there is nobody to say that is unfair. Because it is incredibly unfair, and they still do it all the time. In that conversation, I was completely sick of constantly being told that I can or can't or should or shouldn't do something based on my GENDER. I wanted someone to listen to me, but what I got from what you were saying was that nobody should listen to me, and I shouldn't even make an effort to try and get them to listen because I'M NOT FEMALE.
I hope you can understand my reasoning there.
Please don't interpret this in a sense that means I'm angry right now.
It hurts me beyond belief (although I suppose you don't really care...) that you said that I don't care about other people's problems.
Since Kindergarten, I have always been the type of person to have only one friend. It started with Joseph, then he moved after 3rd grade. Nobody really liked me in fourth grade. In fifth, Katie was my best friend. Then I met K.T., and we were best friends for quite a while. In sixth grade, there was you.
Sure, during all of these times, I had other friends, but I cared about them nowhere nearly as much as I did the best friend.
It's always been that way. Alone or with a single good best friend. Never once was there a real quarrel with one of them. The friendships just sort of died away, and we were fine with that. Never did I really feel any dislike for any of them.
But now you have decided to say that I don't care about anyone. A lot of that is true. I don't care about most people. You have certainly been one of the people I have cared about, though. Yeah, you're thinking, "bullshit, this asshole doesn't care about me", but I really do. When I only have one person that I can really get along with in life, then it's inevitable that I will care about them.
I don't know if you'll believe that, but it's true.
So if you want to say goodbye, then fine. I have another life just waiting to happen in Connecticut. The offer to go there has been available for so long, but one thing has kept me here. You. Never have I had to give up a friend just out of the blue, and I couldn't stand to try and do that with you.
But if you don't want me for a friend, than so be it. I've been told the school that I would go to in Connecticut is considerably bigger than Rappahannock. Many more chances to make new friends. I wouldn't do this unless it were a last resort, and, if you don't want to be friends with me anymore, than I might just have to. I guess I may have outstayed my welcome here. All of the possible friends for me have been used up. There must have been a list from the beginning of people who were compatible to be my friend, and now all of them have been crossed out. But I could handle making a new list if I tried.
If you really can't stand me anymore, clearly state it to me, and I will leave. Because otherwise I see no point in staying in this miserable county.
"Because otherwise I see no point in staying in this miserable county."
should have been
"Because if so I see no point in staying in this miserable county."
I understand that you dont hate me. i used the wrong wording there.
I'm gonna talk to you on your own level, like guy to guy.
*is becoming a guy and is not Sarah anymore*
look dude, i know this chick was your best friend. i respect that. But if she starts ragging on you for bogus bullshit, you dont need her. you deserve better than that.
if you went to Connecticut, you could start over. You'd be with your dad and a brand new school. A clean slate. find people who accept you for who you are instead of that selfish cunt whatsername.
Austen: hello
Sarah: hey
Austen: have you checked your blog?
Sarah: yah
i commented back
Austen: you aren't a selfish cunt whatsername
Sarah: shush
Austen: So... what I'm getting from this is (please don't get pissed...) is that yuo feel bad for "ragging on me for bogus bullshit and now you think I would be better in CT.
wow.... look at all the typos
Sarah: hey.. you know what? bye
...
Okay, listen to me, please.
I said that too blatantly and you have reason to be upset.
By the way you worded that last comment, it does seem this way. You insulted yourself, calling yourself a cunt whatsername. You said that if I go to Connecticut, it would be a clean slate and a fresh start. And you even called what your opinion had been "bogus bullshit".
But now, thinking about it, and thinking about your reaction to what I thought was a reasonable assumption due to the fact that you made it seem that way, I realize that this must have just been you trying to view things from what you consider to be my standpoint on the situation or, in a hypothetical situation the standpoint of some male friend that I told about this. The flaw in that is that, other than you, I don't really have any friends, let alone male friends.
Trust me, I hate my gender too. That's why I could never be gay.
Sorry for not realizing that when I read it.
eww. austen uses too many big words. anywho, i agree on one thing in particular, the fake accent is annoying as fuck. remember folks, peace, love, and fuck i forgot the other one. oh well.
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