so the truth comes out

sarah, this is going to suck really bad. i can pretty much promise you. i dont think that being friends is going to work for either of us. no offence, but there is no way that it could possibly go well. all you do is bring me down, and im already kind of low. so its not like your optimistic views on life are going to make me feel better about anything. all i do is try to ignore the stuff you say that bothers me, and thats pretty much it. i dont exactly feel great about saying all this, but it's time for me to think about whats in my best interest. i gave up on you changing anything, so this is about it. i dont like your drugs. i dont like your negativity. i dont like your attitude towards everything that i believe or say. you think im immature and acting like a little kid because im not like you? you're wrong. and your little "when you get into college your going to be so not prepared," because i dont do drugs and screw up my life like you do? whatever. your the one whos not going to be prepared. have fun frying your brain cells, but im not going to be your guniea pig for life destruction. you're pretty much your own science project. im not your friend. i never really was. because for some reason your uncapable of that. what is so great about your life that you try to persuade me to be like you for? your friends? like kaitlyn faulkner? the girl who changed herself into a self mutilating freak who toasts every bit of memory left in her? or leeroy. the guy who doesnt give a damn. or maybe logan? the guy who thinks he's cool because he can smoke. woop de fucking doo. im not saying this to make you feel bad, im saying this so you get the picture. i used to think you were too good for them, but now i see that your worse than them. because your smart. and you can be independent. yet you dont. ignorance cant possibly be your excuse, and thats the only one that works in my book. if you ever really need me, ill be here. but this entire time that i was here for you, its not like i did any good. your not really losing anything sarah. just remember that im not really a big part of your life. im disposable and i dont give a shit.


i replied to you, and i didnt put up a fight. it's not worth it anymore.
even if i told you what i wanted to tell you, you wouldnt listen.
that whenever i talk to you, my beliefs dont seem to matter.
you accuse me of the same thing. I have no fuckin idea how you could think that.

But i cant say things liek that. because then i'd get accused of soemthing else, liek being a bitch or a closed-minded asshole.
I could fight back and defend myself, but soemtimes i dont think im worth defending.
And now if you're reading this, you are most likely rolling your eyes at my drama like i know you do behind my back.

i know i say i pride my self on not being a girly bitch. And thats what i am when i fight back at you.
So this thing you want, the not being friends anymore?
that works for me.

you say you were never my friend? well, all those times i helped you with your problems, and you helped me with mine beg to differ.

I sit here, crying becasue our friendship is over, and when i think about it, it doesnt matter.
When i dream about my future, i now realize i never thought of you being one of the people i kept in contact with.
maybe that was a sign.
Still, this email surprises me slightly. When we were talking about this, you didnt seem to be so bitter. But i guess everyone has their secrets.

Alright. if we're gonna be honest, i guess i should join in.
you scare me just as much as your dad does.
and that's a lot. You remind me a lot of him.

hmm.. what else...
I also agree with your parents soemtimes.
Liek with the whole " it's just the human body thing"
yah. i belive in that.
you dont have to be so grossed out by it if you just accept it.
and the masturbation thing.
it IS healthy and it IS normal.
dont try to tell me it's not normal just because you dont do it.


you seem to think you made a lot of sacrifices for our friendship. at least, thats what it sounds like. and thinking about it, both of us did.
you put up with my negativity, and i put up with your close-mindedness.

While i will miss being able to talk to you, i dont think i'll miss this thing we had.
i'm not sure how we lasted this friggin long.

this doesnt really surprise me very much. When i saw you this weekend, i was wondering in passing when soemthing like this, you getting tired of me, would happen.
i never tried to make you become someone liek me.
you're twisting what happened to fit your argument.
i told you not to knock it till you tried it.
you said that if you were around it, you would do it.
i said that if you ever came over and didnt want to do anything i wouldnt make you or even suggest it.
how is that trying to make you do soemthing?

You want to believe i'm the scum of the earth?
that's fine by me hon.
I'm sure you're not the only one.
in the meantime, i will continue tryign to figure out who i am.
i suggest you do the same, because you sound just as confused as i am, if not more.

oh, and for the record, i really dont give a damn how it works in "your book"

So, this is goodbye. because im not allowing this to happen again( this is what, the third time?).
ending a friendship takes a lot out of a person....

**************************************

in other news.
i still havent done my summer work. school starts monday.
i have mice in my room. with all these fuckin cats...
im gonna go delete my myspace.
i'll tell derrick to talk to me through gmail.
ima try to sleep soon. gnight.
love ,
Sarah