i should know better after 14 years...

i just kinda feel like ranting. First on my list: Mitchell.
first of all, eve, you are a complete and total idiot to keep dating him.This weekend, instead of going with you to either the raid or the aquarium, he has decided that he is going to Jess's house. Which leads to my other point. i asked him what was happening this weekend, for the third time in 2 and a half weeks, and he starts yelling at me. i'm sorry if i wanna fucking know what the fuck i'm doing this weekend! he's a little inconsiderate douche bag and the day that all of his "friends" leave him, i'm gonna laugh and stay friends with them! ha! he can go fuck himself with a jackhammer for all i care! i say that i love him and everything's cool. but there's just this layer of hatred that is settled in the pit of my stomach that starts throbbing at times like this.And of course, being the pussy i am, when i feel hate anywhere, be it from me, or someone else, i start to cry. if i could, i'd have my tear ducts removed. Look. i know you guys are worried. but you have to wait for me to come to you. if you come to me and start judging me, i'm just gonna push you away. there's an overload of shit in my life. ive got my grandmother yelling every 3 minutes, my dad and not being able to see him, concerned friends,a complete and total fucking asshole,habits that make me happy, but every one else in the world seems to have a problem with, body image details, and im sure there are others.



Leeroy's like the big brother i never really had that didn't kick me around and put me down. he'd do anything for me, like i'd do just about anything for him. we're Nothing more, nothing less. so just because he is a friend i made after i changed my outlook on life, your gonna say he's a bad influence. fine. you can think that. but he is not the reason i started smoking. i started smoking because i was stressed one day after catering to my senile grandmother's every whim and nag. He is not the reason i started drinking. i started drinking because i wanted to stop being a fucking goody goody and have some fun for once..


now i ask you. have any of you ever been in this position? Ever walked a day in my shoes? Then i ask you, why do you judge me as you do?


No, this is not my attempt to say," ooohhh pity me. i have it so hard!" this is me trying to defend myself,my life and my friend against you. Which i never really thought i'd have to do.