Just reading my brother's blog from 2006. One of the comments from his Thanksgiving post (which the part about me isn't even true- I don't know how to steal a cable)from Eve says that she thinks I should die. Yes, I realize this was 2006, but it hits a rough nerve. As if i needed one more reason to dislike her. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love her. I'm just getting tired of her letting Mitchell treat her like Chicken shit and still get to fuck her, and of both their comments about My big sister and Father. They can't take them away from me, even though Mitchell thinks he has succeeded. I still talk to ( fuck it) Amanda and I see Dad sometimes.
Now, all of a fucking sudden, he's proud to have me as a little sister. Wait, isn't he the same guy who used to beat the shit out of me every single day? Isn't the reason there's a suicide note written on my wall? Don't get me wrong. It feels great to be accepted. I have recently been accepted by some of his friends, too. Leroy is one of the best friends I have and Zack is just fun. I just don't understand. Is it just that he wants his namesake to carry on his practices at school? Or does he genuinely think I'm cool enough to be part of his group? I sincerely wish it is the latter. His friends are more on my maturity level than mine are. I'm just afraid that one day I'm gonna find out that the only reason his friends ever talked to me was so that they didn't have their lives ruined by the scary big brother. Is that it? Is that all I'm scared of?
No.
I'm also scared that all of my friends will leave me for leaving them. Childish, I know, but it's a real fear.
I have been trying to get to know Mitchell's friends on a deeper level, so they realize I'm not just the dreaded annoying little tag along. Leroy says that I am one of his friends, so I'm good on that front. I've been talking to Zack, but I'm still not sure. I love pretty much everyone I come across that cares, and Mitchell's friends are no exception.
Emo Alert: I don't understand how anyone could love a fat-ass bitch like me. Should I end it now?
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1 comment:
a few hours later, i realize the end it now thing was fucking retarded. Whatever, self. be Emo.
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